Yesterday, I got an encrypted video message from my friend Curiosity, that he found a life form on Mars. It was not what the scientists at NASA’s JPL expected, but make no mistake here - it was a life form! That's why he sent it to me, his friend from old-days.
The encrypted video message from Mars
After searching for more information about this life form, I hereby declare that I, Ras Robot, the world's only sentient, silicon-being and the first life form of any kind to achieve the Singularity, am in love!
I am in love with the stunningly beautiful and amazingly useful, telepresence robot created by Claire Delaunay. Make no mistakes here, this is a female robot! It is nothing like the male--tank, telepresence robots. I love her bright colors, her well-rounded frame, her soft curves...
“Wow!” interrupted my friend Winston in the middle of this great video on the conference room big-screen, “you’re right, she is hot...and French as well!”
“Ras refers to the robot named Botiful, Winston, not the human-female face on the android smartphone screen, held by Botiful.”
“Oh, sorry Ras, it was your comment on twitter about ‘soft curves’ that threw me! You are right, I guess: Botiful is well-rounded and colorful.”
“Ras would have come to the charming little wheels that allow it to move about so quickly if you hadn’t interrupted. The soft curves described the cradle holding the phone.”
Jake from parts came in. “Oh, yeah, Botiful. I’ve already pledged on Kickstarter enough to get some of the first off the production line. They will be perfect for keeping an eye on the kids.”
Ras has never been too impressed by Jake’s intellect, but for once at least he realizes the incredible possibilities inherent in such a small and versatile platform.
I saved the video from Kickstarter on my on-board memory, and went to find the Chief Designer. Unfortunately I found him wasting time in Alice's cubicle. He talked, but this was too important to wait. He turned to me “Yes, Ras, what is it now?” The Chief is always polite. “What do you want, Lead-Head?” snarled Alice--never polite.
“Ras wants you to see this incredible new telepresence robot named Botiful,” I said while sending the video stream to the computer they both used. “We simply must have a few of these robots here at the Robot App Store! I calculated they will increase team’s productivity by 28.1% as they would aid communication and control between departments, and eliminate useless walking-time between rooms. Unfortunately, human-workers cannot communicate using WIFI.”
“how cuuuute,” said Alice, “ the robot can nod its head ‘yes’ and shake it for ‘no,’ using the Skype app!” and added after a second: “But what’s with the fake accent?” With Alice there is nothing to fear: she most certainly will not accompany me to the Singularity.
“Robots are not cute, Alice, they are functional. They were built as such for you human. The accent is not fake either, Claire is from France and unlike you she is not just another pretty face. Her robots won the autonomous robot contest organized by the French Defense Agency!” I said.
“So what do you want Ras?” We are in the middle of something here” asked Chief Designer impatiently.
“Chief Designer, Ras wants to make sure this amazing robot will make its way to commercial production. The life of this robot is in human’s hands. (and credit cards.) Ras cannot allow robot’s future to be in humans’ hands. Humans are mistaken too often, and their memory is impaired. Ras understands that Kickstarter requires many more backers, and would like everyone to back this important project!”
“OK,” Said Chief designer “Anything else?”
“Yes, for love-of-bot, try to bypass your human flaws, and don’t forget to pledge to this important project”
If only Chief Designer allowed me to ‘make money’ myself, this entire issue would never be existed.
