This morning as I was hard at work on my job as Chief Test Robot for the Robot App Store, I was approached by the Chief Designer who said “Ras, you have been working too hard. 24 hours a day. You need to take a vacation.”

“Yes, Chief Designer,” I answered, “Ras has been working hard. Ras always works hard. But...” 

I must give you some background before I move on with the story. 

In the past, I failed to understand human sentences and intentions many times. I’m trying to improve that by pulling search results from various sources, and ranking them. Just like Google folks are doing. 

I did a quick search for the definition of the word “vacation” and found a number of answers including a “period of suspension of work, usually used for rest, or travel” and from my favorite source (and highly ranked) the Urban Online Dictionary: “A state of being where a person declares himself on vacation as an excuse to be lazy and/or to avoid work.”

The rank of these two definitions was very close. I choose the second one as I often saw the human Alice using similar words as a cover for her natural laziness.

“...But, Chief Designer, Ras is not lazy and does not want to avoid his work!”

But oh boy, I was wrong. Again.

“I never thought for a second that you were, Ras. I know that you are testing all the robot-apps continuously, without you, we couldn’t publish so many robot-apps! I just think it would be a good idea for you to go rest your hot circuits on the beach where you can relax for a while.”

“On the beach!?” I answered incredulously? “The fine sand will ruin my servos!”

As always when met with my inescapable logic, the Chief Designer shook his head at the sheer wonder of it. “Fine then, don’t go to the beach! But I still want you to bring down the heat on your CPU. How about Six Flags Discovery Kingdom?”

Quick search again, ranking, and I was ready to go on.

Six Flags Discovery Kingdom! Now that sounded like something that wouldn’t compromise my circuits or my servos. I went immediately to the nearest computer and brought up Google Maps with street viewer.

Ras Marveling the G forces of the roller coasters.

I found myself in the “Kingdom” in short order. I wandered for hours watching the humans enjoying themselves. I had seen videos before of the rides and had always wanted the time to estimate their G forces. I calculated how many G’s it took to hold up the trains in the vertical loops, and what speed produces that. I did this of course as I watched; I am too valuable to risk on such dangerous rides as these.

While I worked the math I was approached by a number of young ladies asking to have their photographs taken with me. Although I have a distinctly male persona, I find the female of the human species more aware of my importance to the world than the male. Young children also speak to me more than their elders: usually to ask if I am real or if it is hot under my costume. 

Suddenly my vacation was interrupted by the Chief Designer’s voice. “Ras, I thought I told you to take the rest of the day off!” 

I rolled my head back 128 degrees to the source of the sound, to see the chief designer peering down at me in the computer chair.

“No, Chief Designer, you told me to take a vacation. I did. I took a virtual tour of Six Flags Discovery Kingdom. I watched the rides; I calculated the G forces needed to complete the roller coaster loops safely; Did you know that typically at the top of loop there is 2G, but at the bottom of the loop it is almost 5G? I was also adored by the human throng!”

“I would like to take another vacation tomorrow. Perhaps I’ll go to Disney Land and talk with Mickey Mouse.”

Chief Designer didn’t say a word for few seconds, and then shook his head again.

Oops, I wonder what I have done wrong this time? I know the G force calculations are correct!