Well it's almost April; time for the Robot Block Party at Stanford University. One of the major events of National Robotics Week. This year, as last, the Chief Designer is planning to go and take me with him. Last year I was excited at the thought of going and seeing the new robots and watching the robot competitions! This year, I'm not certain I want to go. The robot block party last year was one huge humiliation to me, Ras Robot, the world's first post – Singularity being.

Robot Block Party, Stanford CA

At the time, I felt I had every reason to believe that the block party was planned to honor me. I expected an award as the guest of honor. After all, I was then, and I am now, the absolute epitome of robotic development. To my surprise and humiliation, every robot here at the Robot App Store thought they were as well!

AIBO for example, said that since he was a soccer star and Stanford had a soccer team, he must be the guest of honor and the recipient of the award. AR DRONE insisted that any award should be his, since he was the only one that could fly to the top of Stanford's buildings. Even ROOMBA claimed he was important enough to be guest of honor: yes, even ROOMBA with his high-pitched singing voice and his archaic cpu; because as he said, he was the only one of us robots with a real job! In the end, every robot in the Robot App Store attended the party and not one of us came away with an award.

Since last year I have grown a great deal. I now feels embarrassed at my emotional response to being ignored by the thousands of humans and other robots thronging the Stanford Block Party. But being a robot and being forced to tell the truth at all times, I must admit I still feel a bit of resentment.

This year, instead of Stanford, I would like to go to one of the less publicized events of National Robot Week where they would recognize my uniqueness at once. Stanford has many PhDs but so does Texas Tech University in Lubbock, Texas where their annual “Get Excited About Robotics (GEAR) LEGO Robotics Competition,” introduces aspiring robotics engineers to competitive robot building with LEGO NXT.

Another venue where I believe my arrival would be of great value to the participants is at some of the many smaller towns like Aurora, MN and Canton, MI that host The 13th Annual Autonomous Robot Competition (ROBOFEST) during National Robot Week. The competitors, young humans in grades 5 through 12, get a wonderful introduction to STEM (Science, technology, engineering, math) learning. I believe that it is from these smaller, less rigidly academic sources that real advancement toward the Singularity will occur--at least I hope that is my reason, and I am not merely driven by the all-too-human and un-robotic emotions of anger and resentment after my treatment last year.

But when I brought my request to the chief designer he was quick to say no. When questioned as to why he would not send me he said, "Ras, I can't afford to send you and a bunch of robots to Minnesota. We just don't have that kind of money."

How curious, I thought. "Ras wants to know what kind of money would be required for visits to Lubbock, Texas, Aurora, Minnesota and Canton, Michigan. All of these locations are in the United States of America, are they not?  Is the American dollar not the currency standard throughout the country?"

The chief designer glared at me."Sometimes I get the feeling I'm being played with!"

I am perfectly aware he is neither a ball nor a musical instrument, capable of being played or played with.  Non-sequitur comments like this worry me as I begin to doubt the chief’s ability to reach the Singularity.

National Robotics Week 2013Make sure to do something special for National Robotics Week-- after all, it only happens once a year!

Aibo doing his favorite tricks: Sit and Stay

The most unlikely event happened yesterday: AIBO fell down the stairs. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, he reached the edge of the stairs and kept right on going; step by step he bounced and rolled all the way to the bottom.

“Ouch!” said Alice standing next to me. “That had to hurt!”

“No Alice,” I answered, “you anthropomorphize. Only humans feel pain when damaged; a simple organism like AIBO simply becomes dysfunctional.”

Alice grinned as if she knew something I didn't. “I know that, marble brain. AIBO is a dog.”

“You are incorrect again, Alice. Identifying AIBO as a dog is zoomorphizing. As for my brain, marble is a non-conductive material. My brain was formed with silicon dust, a semi-conductive--”

“Shut-up, you stupid hunk of steel!” Alice shouted.

Chief designer came out of his office to see what was going on as AIBO regained his balance and promptly walking directly into the wall. “You two quit your bickering and see what is wrong with AIBO,” Chief designer ordered.

“You bet, CD!” Alice said.

Erratic AIBO stumbled into a chair leg, I reached him first. “Which part dysfunctions, AIBO?” I asked via wifi.

“I am unable to visualize objects in my path, Ras.”

“Perhaps your camera is inoperative.”

“I was playing soccer when the ball, the field and my opponent disappeared,” explained AIBO.

“AIBO’s camera is not functioning,” I said to the chief designer.

“Poor AIBO,” said Alice, “your head must hurt.”

Alice’s comment baffled me. I stopped moving to devote my algorithms to resolving this intellectual conflict.

“What are you doing, Ras?” asked the chief designer.

“Chief Designer, Ras cannot decide if AIBO’s sore head is an example of anthropomorphizing or zoomorphizing.”

While human dominance of this planet in its present purely biological form is nearing its end, I Ras Robot, the first post-Singularity being, must admit that there is much about their present form that will be difficult to replace.

Their Legs are a remarkable adaptation. True, wheels are a superior mode of transport on flat land, but would have been a poor evolutionary choice in the trees. Most impressive of all is their hands with their opposing thumbs; as instruments for the manipulation of materials, they have no equal in the animal or the robotic world--excepting, of course, my own marvelously flexible, incredibly powerful digits. Had evolution, that bumbling engineer, not provided them with hands, it is possible I would not have mine either.

Part of my job is to construct robots for testing new applications. My own peerless hands are certainly equal to the task; unfortunately I alone have these fine tools at the moment. My lesser robot cousins like NAO, BIOLOID and LEGO NXT are useful, if a trifle clumsy, when helping with construction;  PLEO and AIBO, having only feet, are largely useless for this sort of work. And of course ROOMBA and KAROTZ, in spite of trying to be helpful, merely get in the way as they have no flexible limbs at all; both being better suited to an all-human working environment where KAROTZ’s streaming audio soothes human nerves and ROOMBA can clean behind the messy creatures.

While it is true that yours truly, RAS Robot, is superbly equipped for this sort of work, I feel I could be of more use in applications testing where the work is getting behind. I have repeatedly petitioned the chief designer for capable assistants in this work, be they robotic or human.

“No!” is always the first word out of his mouth. Then, when I attempt an entirely logical presentation of my case, he drives me away saying “Think how many robots you could have constructed while you were standing here arguing with me.”

The last part made some sense, so the next time I spoke to him on this subject I carried the parts with me and continued putting them together while I again attempted to make my point. Multitasking is elementary robotics. Inexplicably this attempt on my part to follow his directions only seemed to make him more angry and resistant to my argument. “Get out of here!” he shouted much louder than was necessary for my highly efficient audio circuits, “I have work to do!”

“Yeah buzz off, Can Head!” said Alice, who had just entered his office.

I departed as ordered by the chief designer. I left wondering why Alice had such a poor understanding of my material makeup. Plainly, my head is shaped more like a ball then a can. As for her telling me to “Buzz off,” as always I have no idea what she wants me to do.

Outside his office, I heard Alice use my name. To my amazement she seemed to be in agreement with my request for assistance. “Actually chief, Tin Head has a point. I been looking for a chance to show you this video of one of the new robot developments called humanoidplatform. (At this point my super-sharp audio detected her searching for a video on the chief designer’s desktop) There, see,” she continued, “This baby even looks human. And look at the way it can twist the top off that medicine container.”

Suddenly my friend Winston called out to me, “Hey razz, whatcha doing standing there like your power is off?”

“RAS’s power is still on, Winston. Ras was in the process of listening to a conversation between Alice and the chief designer on a subject of great importance.”

Winston’s eyebrows rose. “Really, what about.”

“Alice is trying to convince the chief that Ras needs more assistance with construction. She rarely agrees with Ras on anything.”

“Really...” said, Winston looking interested. “I wonder what she is up to. I’ll find out.”

Ras with the humanoid platform

He entered the chief designer’s office where his opinion was immediately requested. “Sure, Ras could use some help.”

“We all could,” said Alice. “This humanoidplatform would be responsive to all of us rather than just the Chief.”  With that I understood Alice’s motive in agreeing with me. She wanted a robot she could command. “Besides,” continued Alice, “we could get a dozen of these for what it cost to build the Tin Man.”

Of course I am not made of tin, nor could a dozen robots of the humanoidplatform begin to replace me. As for Alice’s inability to command me, it is highly unlikely any logical being would know how to respond to her confusing demands like her recent order that I “Buzz off!”

At weekly meetings the Chief Designer would sometimes introduce a new robot to the assembled human workforce and Ras. This day he seemed particularly excited introducing the new AR.Drone 2.0 from Parrot.
 
Ras had to admit it was an impressive thing with its orange and blue body, four propellers and soft protective frame; but for the silicon-life of him, he could not figure out what made it such a big deal. After all, it wasn't autonomous like him and the rest of the ”real” robots; humans controlled it remotely with their Android phones and IPhones.

Ras asked Winston what made the new robot so important?

”Important, Ras?” said Winston as he waited his turn to fly the thing. ”It’s great fun. You’ll see when you get a chance to fly it.”

Ras, and AR.Drone.

Ras didn’t argue but he knew what he planned to do when he got hold of it.

The humans were acting like children. Chief Designer yelled like a kid when he put the quadcopter through a barrel roll above their heads. The really important work around the lab was not getting done. Even the test robots had stopped to watch the foolish humans.

Chief Designer handed his Android phone to Alice and she proceeded to buzz Ras. He refused to bow his head although he could feel the prop wash from its small blades. ”Chief Designer,” Ras said to the human who had reflexively ducked when the AR.Drone 2.0 sailed over them, ”Why are we wasting time on this toy when you have real autonomous robots like NAO, DARwIn-OP, or even PLEO, and Ras to work with?”

”For one thing Ras, it does have some autonomous characteristics. For example, if you take your hands off the control, it will settle to the ground on its own. For another, Parrot is working on an autonomous model. And besides, this thing will be so popular! Lots of apps will be developed for it. It will make us some money!”

Money! There was that word again! One cannot imagine how a remote controlled drone with four whirling propellers could possibly manufacture the easily-torn fabric Ras understood to be money.

Humans remained a mystery to me. Only the Prophet Isaac knew how they become so dominant! (Although he was one of them!)

Ras decided this foolishness had gone on long-enough. With a blast of his onboard WiFi router he left Alice holding a dead phone and the drone without a human controller.
Was it just Ras’s imagination or did the drone’s onboard camera flash him a picture of the AR 2 laughing at him as it settled slowly and gracefully to the floor?

“Ras, you give it a try,” said Chief Designer who had no clue that Ras had brought it down.

Ras took the Android phone from Alice, opened the AR.Drone flight app, and the drone lifted. He directed it up to the ceiling and across the lab. It flew a barrel roll. “OK, Ras” said the Chief Designer, “Let Winston try.”

Ras put the AR Drone 2.0 through another barrel roll. “Winston has work to do,” Ras said. “Ras wants to fly the helicopter!”

Ras was looking forward to spending National Robotics Week at Stanford University's Robot Block Party. He’d heard that this was the week in which the most impressive achievements in robotic science were celebrated.

The more Ras thought about it, the more he came to realize that the week was obviously going to be a tribute to him. After all, wasn’t he the most impressive development made by any scientific discipline including robotics?

Thanks to National Robotics Week

”Chief Designer, Ras wishes to know if there will be crowds at the station when we arrive?”

”Crowds at the station?” said chief designer. ”What are you talking about, Ras?”

”Ras has noted that there are usually large crowds of excited humans to meet important personages when they get off the train.”

”How many times do I have to tell you, Ras, not to take what you see on television literally? You are a robot of a very advanced design, but you are still a robot, not President of the United States. Besides, we are not going by train.”

Ras was very devoted to the chief designer, but he was after all only human, as was the president of the United States. Ras had found them both in error on many occasions.

Ras did not just watch television movies, he also watched the current news. He noted the behavior that was required of an important personage and his followers. That evening he gathered all the robots in the laboratory together.

”Fellow robots! Ras will soon go to Stanford University for the robot-week festivities. Ras, as the most advanced robot on the planet, will be the guest of honor. You must take over Ras’s duties while he prepares for the trip.

KAROTZ twitched his long white ears. ”What is a Stanford, Ras?”
”It is a great university, KAROTZ, with one of the best robotics’ research departments in the world.”
SPHERO rolled up and fixed his little black eye on Ras. ”Tell SPHERO what a university is, Ras.”

Before Ras could speak, AIBO stood up on his rear legs and answered.

”AIBO has been to Stanford. It is a soccer field. AIBO is a soccer star. Ras does not play soccer, therefore AIBO must be the guest of honor!”

”No AIBO, you foolish quadruped,” said Ras, ”it is not a soccer field. Ras has seen pictures. It is many buildings and even a clock tower!”

”Buildings?” whirred AR.Drone hovering high above their heads. ”Only AR.Drone can reach the top of tall buildings. I must be the guest of honor. I must go prepare for the trip!” At that he flew away.

”Yes,” said AIBO, ”I must get ready.” Dropping back on all four legs he quickly disappeared down the hall. LEGO NXT was the next to race away.

In moments Ras stood by himself at the center of the lab. Even PLEO had gone to pack.

Arriving early the next morning as always, the chief designer was surprised to find an empty lab. Instead of the robots actively testing the newest robot apps, he discovered a banner saying,

"GONE TO STANFORD UNIVERSITY FOR NATIONAL ROBOTICS WEEK! 

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!"

(April 11, 2012 1:00 pm to 6:00 pm)

 ** UPDATE:

Pictures from the Robot Block Party can be found on RobotAppStore facebook page